A Recent Study Showed That 70 Percent of Leaders Are Scared to Talk With Their Employees. Here's a Solution
Don't let fear keep you from having those hard conversations. Here are
four practices to make it easier on yourself and the people who report
to you.
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| By Steve Farber |
(INC) A few months ago, my wife and I moved from a 3,200-square-foot
suburban home to an 1,800-square-foot condo in the Little Italy area of
downtown San Diego. Making the decision to downsize wasn't easy, and, as
you might expect, it required several conversations that had the
potential to make one or both of us uncomfortable. But here's what made
it much easier: We love each other.
That powerful ingredient often is missing in the relationships
between leaders and their employees, and it ends up making conversations unnecessarily difficult and uncomfortable for both parties.
Most of us know that employees can find it hard to talk to their
bosses, but here's what might surprise you: Most bosses also are afraid
to talk to their employees. In fact, an online survey by Harris Poll found that 69 percent of managers say they often are uncomfortable communicating with employees.
It's one thing to feel uncomfortable giving bad news or constructive
feedback, but this survey indicates a general unease among managers when
it comes to communicating with the people on their team. That not only
makes feedback difficult, but it also makes all conversations less
productive.
So, how does love solve this? Because to love someone, you have to
know them. And if you know them -- really know them -- then it becomes
easier to have conversations, even conversations that are difficult.
Now, I don't expect you to love your employees in the same way that I
love my wife. After all, she's my wife. But there's no reason you can't
get to know your employees in much the same way as you get to know the
people you love in your personal life. In fact, there's every reason
that you should.
But here's the ironic twist: To make hard conversations easier and
less uncomfortable, you have to do some hard work that will make you
uncomfortable. The results, however, are worth it. And if you don't
believe me -- or even if you do -- then pick one or two of your direct
reports, and give this process a try.
1. Take a relational inventory.
Before you try to learn more about someone, figure out what you
already know. Actually write down a list in your journal, on a note
card, or in whatever form works best for you. Start with work-related
things, like the person's role with the organization and professional
background. Then list everything you know about him or her as a person
-- spouse, kids, big life events (celebrations or tragedies), cultural
and faith background, hobbies, favorite travel experiences, most-beloved
movies. You get the idea.
2. Budget "what-up?" time.
The day-to-day course of business often becomes all business. We meet
with a purpose, and that purpose tends to involve the tactics and
strategies of our work. So, we have to be intentional about including
time to discuss other aspects of life. That can include five or 10
minutes on the front end of business discussions and "drive-by"
conversations at someone's desk, but it also should include a few
meetings with no purpose other than to spend 30 minutes or so talking
about life in general.
3. Give your attention not your advice.
Many leaders are born problem-solvers. It's hard to listen to someone
and not immediately offer solutions to whatever challenges they face.
Problem-solving, at most, should be a secondary outcome of these
conversations.
Ask open-ended questions about a person's life and dreams, and then
listen and show genuine interest and appreciation. If this person asks
for a solution, offer it. Otherwise, you might ask for an invention with
something like, "I have some ideas about that--would you like to hear
them?"
4. Store the info, serve the person.
People usually will appreciate that fact that you cared enough to ask
these types of questions and that you listened to their answers, but
that's really not enough to deepen a relationship. You have to remember
what you learned and use it -- not for your benefit, but for the benefit
of others (which will ultimately benefit you, as well).
The more you learn about someone, the better positioned you'll be to
encourage this person, to ask follow-up questions, and to genuinely and
helpfully serve his or her deepest needs in practical ways. When you do,
you are showing you care.
None of this, mind you, will eliminate life's hard conversations. But
it will strengthen your relationship so that you and the other person
enter those conversation with a strong foundation, a mutual respect, and
with information to help navigate the challenges you're facing. Routine
conversations become natural and challenging conversations become
something to work through in love, not something to dread or avoid.
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