One Thing All Successful People Have in Common
By Tom Koulopoulos, innovationexcellence
I was speaking with a good friend recently and she shared with me
something that triggered a thought about what makes people successful
and happy. If you’re an innovator, pay close attention, this is
especially relevant to you.
Stick with me because this is perhaps
the most important lesson I’ve learned about success and which I can pass on.
I’ve had the great privilege to work with and for some incredibly
successful people. From billionaires such as Ross Perot and Larry
Ellison, to best selling authors and management icons such as Peter
Drucker and Jim Champy, to countless CEOs and founders. Each one was
very different as a person but they also shared some common traits. Of
course, they were all driven, smart, and charismatic. They were each
great leaders in their own right. But above all else there was one thing
that was unwavering in every one. I’m going to hold off on sharing that
trait because I’d like to first ask you to think about a simple
question. But here’s the thing, you need to be brutally honest in
answering it, because that’s the only way you’ll gain any insight from
what I’m about to share.
How often do you look for external acceptance of your decisions,
sometimes even going so far as to allow an important decision to be made
by someone else just because you’re unsure of your convictions while
they are so persistent in theirs?
I know your initial response is going to be ” Of course not! Me?
Never!” But, again, be totally honest with yourself. Nobody will see
your answer but you.
Look, I know that all of us have moments of doubt and
uncertainty–it’s the human condition. But if you are seeking, perhaps
even longing for, external acceptance for the really big decisions
you’ve made, or are making, then you really need to understand the root
of what’s at play, because otherwise you will be undermining your long
term success and happiness in the most insidious way imaginable, by
building a fortress within which you will be held hostage by the
acceptance of others.
Guess what, great leaders, great innovators, and truly happy people,
have already given themselves that acceptance from the inside. I’m not
saying that mediocre people who lack the skills and knowledge can make
great decisions just by being stubborn. If you’re mediocre, incompetent,
and stubborn good luck, I can’t help you. I am saying that brilliant
and competent people can abdicate their most critical decisions due to
the insecurities that cause them to seek external acceptance.
The single most consistent trait in the most successful and happiest
people I’ve known is that they don’t seek acceptance. They do not allow
others to hold them and their decision hostage inside a box of promises
and assurances of certainty. In short, they are not seeking acceptance
because they do not need to go outside for it, instead they have fully
accepted themselves, they fully own their actions, and they pick their
own path; they don’t need to be sold a path, in fact they can’t be! They
are impervious to external pressure and perseverance. Is this a
guarantee of success and happiness? Of course not. But in my experience
it is absolutely a prerequisite!
"The single most consistent trait in the most successful and happiest people I’ve known is that they don’t seek acceptance."
I’m sorry, am I being to harsh? Am I expecting you to be superhuman?
Well, that depends on how high a standard you want to set for yourself.
What I can tell you is that, like anything else in life, success and
happiness are a journey of learning. We will all make mistakes. What’s
important is that we own our actions and learn from them; that we accept
ourselves and our power to decide rather than let others make those
decisions for us in our false quest for acceptance, affection, and
validation.
So, what’s the take-away? To be successful acceptance has to come
from within. Otherwise it is simply not sustainable. Constantly seeking
it from the outside will erode your integrity, happiness, and success.
It will make you a lousy leader, innovator, and partner–constantly
looking for reassurance, and it will leave you subject to the whims of
others, who, by the way, have their own acceptance issues to deal with!
It’s a tough lesson, but it’s ultimately up to each of us to accept
it and accept ourselves. I’d like to say the lesson is over; the article
may be, but the lesson never is.
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